What is green and smells like chicken?

Here we are now, the first week of Bundesliga football this year is behind us and everything is back to normal!

On Friday Schalke lost to Hannover in a game of "who can concede more" resulting in a nine goal stunner.
The Super-Bayern, as SKY likes to call them, came up with another amazing snooze fest of lame-ass-boring football against Greuther Fürth, who would have won if it wasn't for the poor quality of their Goalkeeper. What a buffoon.
But before we come to the nice fans of Eintracht Frankfurt, we have to confront very serious matters before: Hoffenheim and Wolfsburg both kept a clean sheet. This fact lied like a heavy stone on my chest for the rest of the week and can only be lifted by a nice bashing of the two.


Misunderstood Eintracht Frankfurt fans

In the match between Bayer Leverkusen and Eintracht Frankfurt the Frankfurt fans had planned something really special.
They lit candles - sort of - to celebrate world peace and to protest against racism, homophobia, violence and match abortions.
Wolfgang Stark, who is very fond of making "errors in perception" of course took those protests as an personal insult and interrupted the match for a period of two FC Schalke championships (8 minutes). Poor Eintracht Frankfurt fans couldn't deliver their beautiful messages. :'(

Otherwise Leverkusen won with their style of away-football which works best at home for them. Which isn't even ironic, given their rather bad home support.
Also Sascha Mölders scored with his arse. The rest of Bundesliga football was rather dull. The best league in the world can't be overall exciting every weekend, okay???

But there was still the top match to be played and the brave knights in shiny yellow and black armor came once again to save the day by thumping Werder Bremen 5-0 in brilliant style.

Sir Reucelot opened the score with a superb free kick and took a never endangered lead.
Bremen came up with a 4-2-4-0, tried to out-crowd the 4-2 part of our 4-2-3-1 but "sadly" they forgot about closing the space between their own lines and thus allowed our attacking midfield so much space, that they had no problem at all to create chances.


Fishy Chickens

Selassi's sprints in the 19' minute

While Mario Götze lucked in the 2nd goal, I was already wondering about headless chicken football, which is best described by Theodor Gebre Selassi's "back tracking" attempt, where he couldn't decide which Dortmund player to track and ends up coming too late to Götze's shot.

From the headless chicken football my mind wandered to a nice fried chicken with some sweet chili chicken sauce and then it struck me! This is the perfect kind of advertisement of the Bremen Sponsor Wiesenhof, a poultry seller.

There is a conspiracy that Wiesenhof pays huge bonuses for every conceded goal and that Dortmund wasn't actually good, but Bremen just needs the money. This is of course unconfirmed and probably rubbish, but if Bremen loses by 4 goals against Hamburg and then signs a fancy player, I was right.

Friday Night 

Ah, yes. Dortmund play against Nürnberg Friday evening. Easy win. FACT! Nürnberg will sit back, Dortmund will score, Nürnberg won't have an answer. Lean back and enjoy the match and then see the rivals take the points off each other. OH THE ARROGANCE! But seriously, it's Nürnberg.
They have a fan friendship with the weird blue club. Another reason to trash them.

Key facts:

- Sahin will make his home "debut"

- Dortmund is even better when playing a floodlight match

- Blaszczykowski should return to the starting line up

- Mario Götze is in form and will probably score

- Nürnberg have some injury problems, gk Raphael Schäfer has a broken nose + he always concedes against Dortmund

I predict a nice 3-0 win for Dortmund. On that note I wish you all a nice weekend!


Heja BVB

I'm back, bitches!

Yeah, welcome to my blog where immaturity knows no limits and grammar is a Fremdwort! This won't be a blog showing off my football knowledge! (Although you can expect a tactical analysis every now and then..) NO! I will use this place for all my rants, ramblings and petty crying after Dortmund losses.

The winter break is finally over and there are a lot of questions to be answered!
When will Mario Götze and Marco Reus adopt their first baby?

Will Bayern München win the championship, like they should because of all their fucking money, or will double agent 009 Sammer find a way to sabotage such repugnant things?

Rumor has it that Agent Sammer switched sides in September, during the October fest (yes, I don't get this either) because he succumbed the lure of wearing leather pants. In that case we can expect a cloudy afternoon with slight rain and a chance of pianos. Traitor.



Will Hoffenheim get relegated after a defeat on the last match day against us?
And will Dietmar Hopp give up  his 'project' after Wolfgang Holzhäuser and Javier Garcia Sanz crashed into the Hoffenheim team bus with the new VW Golf after a long night in Sandhausen with booze, hookers and Aspirin? And will we then find the SAP Arena, or whatever it's called, look like a building from 'population zero' in 5 years from now?


Does Tim Wieses tan match his champions League ambitions?


How many rebound ̶g̶̶i̶̶r̶̶l̶̶s̶ goals will Rafael Van der Vaart score after his break up with Sylvie?

And how deep will Schalke fall after they ignited the "We want to win the championship" backwards-afterburner?

Questions over questions that will be answered in accompaniment of Marcel Reif and Fritz von Turn und Taxis. (Two German football commentators I absolutely hate because they will always find a way to ruin every great game of football.)


What is green and smells like fish? Werder Bremen!


Sorry, fish heads, that was rude. (love ya, xoxo)

After Hannover kick off the Rückrunde against some insignificant club on Friday night
plus some other boring matches I don't wanna talk about on Saturday afternoon it is finally time for the MAIN EVENT.
Borussia Dortmund grace the Bundesliga pitch in Bremen for the first time this year. 18:30 kick off in the Topspiel. Yehaw.


Key facts: 

- Dortmund worked on their defensive tactics during the winter, so you'll be judged by the amount of goals we concede, Kloppo!

- Nuri Sahin is back! Yeah, I almost forgot to mention that. Will he play? I don't know!

- Leverkusen vs. Frankfurt, so 3 points would be nice.

- Kevin Großkreutz scored a penalty! I still find that remarkable.

Probable line up: Weidenfeller - Piszczek, Santana, Hummels, Schmelzer - Bender, Gündogan - Reus, Götze, Blazszcykowski - Lewandowski

Heja BVB!